“July” — a breakup song for people who stayed too long
- Donnut Moonyap
- Dec 16, 2023
- 5 min read
Updated: Jun 17
!!! a small warning before you read: this post touches on toxic relationships, emotional manipulation, verbal abuse, heartbreak, and mental health struggles.
“July” feels like being stuck in a relationship that keeps ending without ever really ending. Noah Cyrus captures that exhausting cycle of wanting to leave, ending up staying, hoping, and getting hurt again, that it almost feels embarrassing to relate to. It’s the kind of song that understands how love can turn into repetition–where you already know the pattern, but your heart keeps showing up anyway.
July
Artist: Noah Cyrus
Album: THE END OF EVERYTHING
Year: 2020
Discovered this song last year during a really rough time in my life–grappling with love, self-worth, mental health, and just myself in general. I was deep into listening to depressing songs one afternoon while I was painting, and Spotify randomly played this. And wow.. it got me. I genuinely felt like something in me had just been read out loud.
From there, I completely fell into the rabbit hole of Noah’s discography. There’s something about the way she sings heartbreak that feels intimate and more painfully honest, like she’s not trying to romanticize the sadness–just sit in it and tell the truth about how exhausting it is.
Verse 1
I've been holding my breath
I've been counting to ten
Over something you said
When the lyrics of the song rolled in.. the image it painted for me was so vivid. It immediately took me back to those moments of walking on eggshells around your partner–when they say something that hurts you deeply, but you just swallow it because you know that if you speak up, it’ll only turn into another fight that will last all day. So you bite your tongue..
And it’s funny in the worst way, because you can’t really be mad at anyone else in that situation–you’re the one staying! So yeah.. you sit there and listen, and slowly learn how to make yourself smaller just to keep the peace.
Verse 1 (cont’d)
I've been holding back tears
While you're throwing back beers
I'm alone in bed
Oh! Those nights felt endless! Holding back tears while they were out partying with friends, doing God knows what. The kind of nights where you sit there waiting for them, only to find out through social media that they’re out drinking somewhere, completely unaware of what you’re feeling.
It’s such a specific kind of loneliness. Feeling emotionally abandoned while still technically being in a relationship. And it’s something I genuinely would never wish on anyone, because over time it makes you start questioning your worth, your place in their life, and why loving someone feels like you have to abandon yourself.
Pre-Chorus
You know I, I'm afraid of change
Guess that's why we stay the same
I deeply felt Noah’s Genius breakdown of this part.. that feeling of becoming so comfortable with someone that even their verbal abuse–or whatever kind of abuse is happening–you become comfortable with it too. To the point where when it isn’t happening, it almost feels uncomfortable.
And slowly, you start abandoning your logic. You become okay with the chaos, you even choose it, just to be with them. I guess that’s why we stay the same–because familiarity, even when it hurts, can start to feel like love..
Chorus Bridge
So tell me to leave If you want me to leave
I'll pack my bags, get on the road Then tell me to leave and, baby I'll go
When Noah said, “There is so much of this, ‘I’ll leave if you want me to leave.’ ‘Well, do you want to leave?’ ‘Well, I want to leave if you want me to leave,’” I felt that to my core. It’s that exhausting push-and-pull where you’re basically asking them to make the decision for you–like, just say it clearly: do you want me or not? Because if you don’t, I will leave.
And then you actually leave, and suddenly they either beg you to come back or get angry that you left in the first place. So you end up stuck in this vicious cycle, where you’re not even sure if you’re being wanted or just being tested? It reaches a point where you’re almost the one begging them to tell you to go, just so the uncertainty can finally end.
Verse 2 (excerpt)
I've done a lot of things wrong
Loving you being one
But I can't move on
It’s such a complex feeling being in a relationship like this.. that you loved them so much, which just made you vulnerable enough for them to hurt you so deeply that the love slowly turns into regret. Regret for loving them, and even regret for meeting them.
But then there’s that almost ironic part–yes, they really did damage you, but you still can’t move on. Love keeps you bound in a way logic can’t really untangle.
Favorite !
Find someone that loves you
Better than I do, darling, I know
'Cause you remind me every day
I'm not enough, but I still stay
God.. I love this song, but this part is my favorite because it cuts straight into that emotional manipulation that happens in relationships like this. It becomes this quiet leverage point–like a constant reminder that you’re not enough, that you’re replaceable, while still keeping you around.. and just thinking about it honestly makes me want to cry haha!
And what makes it even more complex is that even with that constant reminder that you’re not enough, you still stay anyway–because you love them that much.
It’s that painful contradiction of it all: if you don’t like this much about me–the way I talk, the way I cry, the way I exist–then why don’t you leave? You love someone with everything you have, but in moments of anger, you suddenly realize they don’t even like you that much. Those parts of you you thought were accepted are actually things they resent. And that.. is just scary to think about.
In the end, this song sits in that uncomfortable space where love and self-doubt overlap, but I think there’s something grounding in hearing it out loud. It reminds you that staying doesn’t always mean you’re weak–it often just means you cared deeply, maybe too deeply, for someone who couldn’t hold it the same way. And if anything, I hope it gently pushes you toward choosing yourself a little more each time, even if it takes time to get there.
D.
Stream it here: SPOTIFY I APPLE MUSIC I YOUTUBE
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